


used to stick together, you're my best friend (i'll love you forever)

by rozadiaz



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Angst, Cameron Has Been Kicked Out Of The Friend Group, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Neil lives, The Last Half Hour Of The Film Didn't Happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23922430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rozadiaz/pseuds/rozadiaz
Summary: In which Knox is finally ready to admit who he really had feelings for all along.
Relationships: Charlie Dalton/Knox Overstreet, Steven Meeks/Gerard Pitts, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 3
Kudos: 107





	used to stick together, you're my best friend (i'll love you forever)

Charlie sat sulking on the windowsill of his and Knox's dorm, his stale cigarette held just an inch from his mouth though he couldn't bring himself to smoke it. He was nauseous enough as it was, he couldn't quite figure why. Todd was looking at him, and Charlie didn't have to look back to know his brows were knitted with concern. He didn't have the energy to deal with it either, how the hell was he supposed to tell Todd and his god-forsaken puppy-dog eyes what was wrong when he wasn't even ready to admit it to himself.

"You sure you're alright Charlie?" Todd asked softly, the two had been sitting in relative silence since retiring to the dorm after dinner. Neither feeling up to socialize with the other boys in study-group that night. They'd do this often, Charlie had a tendency to get moody and want to push his friends away and Todd's social battery ran out much faster than the other boys. The quiet company of the other though, always seemed to be something both boys enjoyed no matter what.

Charlie thought of Knox and his stupid phone call, and his stupid date, and the way he tried on 3 stupid outfits before he left and really, he had no reason not be okay. Knox was free to do whatever the hell he wanted. And Charlie? Well, he didn't have feelings for him, no. He couldn't have feelings for Knox. So yes, if one were to follow a train of logic, Charlie had no reason to be upset. He was fine. And yet, here he was on the brink of tears. In the stupid dorm he shared with Knox, with the scent of his cologne choking at his throat. Here he was head over heels in love with his best friend. In love with the boy who would probably hate him even more for it, all because Knox had to go and fall in love with a girl he didn't even know. 

He'd been able to handle it at first, but after Christmas break everything had gone to hell. They had been fine, better than fine. Knox had pretended to dislike his roommate so the two were able to bunk together after Neil's play, and Charlie pretended he was happy that Knox had finally scored the girl of his dreams. They'd stay up through the night, talking and laughing and enjoying the company they had missed for the first few months of the term. They were practically joined at the hip before they left for break. Charlie spent his with Meeks and Neil's families in his father's chalet as they had every year since birth, and Knox spent his in an apartment his father had in town with Chris. By the time they got back Knox had turned cold. He barely spoke to Charlie anymore outside of group hangouts, instead opting to spend most of his time with Meeks and Pittsie. They both had been giving Charlie sympathetic looks as Knox whispered to them on the opposite end of the lunch table and Charlie knew he had to have done something wrong, he just couldn't figure out what it was. It was driving him insane, Knox was always the one he went to with his problems and as much as he loved Todd and Neil it just wasn't the same. He had been truly miserable for months. The two barely spoke when they were alone in the dorms any more, and every single time it'd feel like Charlie was basically talking to himself. He was lonely, and he missed his best friend. Todd, Neil, Meeks, and Pittsie were good company, and he really did love them, but it simply didn't compare to the joy that he felt around Knox. 

"Char?" Todd asked again, his voice sounding much more concerned this time.

Charlie had almost forgotten he was there, but he nodded yes, perhaps a little too enthusiastically and asked Todd the same question. The smaller boy nodded as well, and extended his arm to take the lit cigarette from Charlie. The two of them worked well together for exactly this reason. They never pushed each other to share, simply enjoying each other's company as a comfort. Occasionally sharing a cigarette in their dorms, other times they'd sneak out to the cave to write poems and share snacks in silence. No matter what though the two dead poets, who were seemingly complete opposites, balanced each other out perfectly and brought a great wave of ease to one another. Still, Charlie could not seem to shake the the heavy weight that lay deep in his stomach, the longing for his best friend who may never actually be wholly his. He couldn't help but feel jealous of his other friends. Of Meeks and Pitts who had found a lighthearted yet fiercely loyal love for each other, and of Todd and Neil and the deep bond and care they had in their relationship. He loved Knox in this same way, and had never wanted for anything more than to feel that force of love reciprocated. Though he supposed there was nothing he could do but wallow, and hope to forget. 

The two sat in together for about an hour longer, before Neil ducked in to collect Todd for the night. The two boys bid Charlie a goodnight, however not before Neil dragged Charlie from his seat on the windowsill and sat him on his bed. 

"You're gonna hurt your back dummy." Neil said quietly, shaking his head. 

"You're too good to me Neil." Charlie responded, patting his cheek twice. 

"Whatever you say, see you tomorrow slick." Neil said, ruffling Charlie's hair before he left the room. 

Charlie sighed, and combed his hair back into place with his fingers. He was tired but knew he wouldn't be able to sleep without knowing Knox was safe in bed. He hated himself for still caring this much, but he knew it was something he'd never be able to shake. He grabbed his notebook off his desk and began to sketch a bouquet of peonies and hydrangeas, surrounded by bees and butterflies. These were Meeks favourite flowers. He'd been meaning to thank him for helping him pass that Latin exam, and art was just about the only thing Charlie thought he was truly good at. He had just about finished with it when Knox entered the dorm. His tie was undone, his jacket thrown over his shoulders, and his hair severely dishevelled. 

"Hey Char." Knox said quietly, it was the first time Knox had used that nickname in a long time, Charlie's heart fluttered at the sound of it.

"How was the date Knoxious?" Charlie asked, his eyes barely lifting from the sketch. He couldn't let himself get excited, he'd already been let down too many times this year. 

"I broke up with her." He breathed, his voice thick. Charlie looked up with concern to see his blonde friend in tears, his eyes red and his face blotchy. He looked like he had spent the whole night outside, perhaps even running.

"What?" Charlie said, "Why the hell did you do that?"

Knox crossed the room to sit beside Charlie on the bed, wiping at his eyes swiftly. Charlie sat up straighter, and set his art supplies on the desk behind him.

"I've just, I don't know I've been doing some thinking and," Knox started, his voice full of uncertainty. "-and she's not what I want."

Charlie scoffed, unable to believe what he was hearing. He had spent _months_ listening to Knox talk about how he idolized her, helping him get a date with her, and giving him advice. It agonized him every moment every day for a whole term, and here Knox was throwing it all away. 

"What the hell do you mean?" Charlie finally said, shaking his head. "She's all you've talked about for months. You seemed so happy." 

Knox swallowed hard and locked eyes with Charlie for the first time. His eyes sparkling, a soft smile on his lips. 

"I know Char, I know." He started, his hand coming up and stroking Charlie's cheek. "But-but I was just kidding myself."

Charlie leaned into his touch, blinking slowly. Knox's eyes hadn't left his, Charlie fiddling with the collar of Knox's sweater. 

"What do you mean Knoxious?" Charlie whispered, his heart was beating at 1000 miles a minute. He couldn't believe what was happening, he had pictured this moment a million times over and but even his wildest dreams seemed bleak compared to the reality of the beautiful boy in front of him. God, he hoped he was reading this right.

"I don't expect you to feel the same way Charlie. I don't expect anything really, but god, I've tried so hard to ignore this and I just can't Char. You're the one I want, not Chris. I figured if any girl would get you out of my head, it'd be her, but I just can't. You're all there's ever been, you're all there'll ever be. I mean fuck Charlie, you're it for me. I'm in love with you, I really am." Knox breathed, he was speaking so fast that Charlie could make out what he was saying. He paused, his eyes brimming with fresh tears, the hand that wasn't stroking Charlie's cheek reaching out to lock their fingers. "I thought pushing you away would make me forget, but seeing you hurt just made me hate myself even more. I'm sorry Charlie, I'm really sorry, and if you hate me for this I understand. I just can't keep pretending, I can't."

"Knox. I-I don't know what to say." Charlie responded. 

"You don't have to say anything, not if you don't want to. It's okay, I just can't get you out of my head, I had to tell you. I never expected you to love me back, but you're my best friend and I just couldn't bear keeping this in anymore. It was killing me Char." Knox interrupted, barely breaking for a breath. 

"God Knoxious, just let me talk okay?" Charlie started, his brain seemed to have disconnected from his mouth. He couldn't believe what was happening, he couldn't believe it, not at all. "I mean, you're my best friend too, and I love you too, hell I've loved you forever and I'll love you forever." 

Knox let out a soft laugh, "Really? You mean it?" 

Charlie nodded, returning the dopey smile plastered across Knox's face. They laughed at each other softly, pressing their foreheads together. Charlie could've never imagined this is how his night would've gone when he had been sulking with Todd just a few hours previously. Knox leaned in closer, and Charlie closed the gap between them. His hands were in Knox's hair, Knox's stayed planted on his jaw. Though neither them could stop breaking their kisses to laugh and share looks with one another. Charlie had never felt so happy, his heart was pounding, and he could feel Knox's doing the same. When they finally broke apart Knox brushed the stray hairs away from Charlie's face and began to hum softly. 

"You okay Knoxy?"

"Never better, I don't think I've ever been this happy." 

Charlie laughed lightly, and leaned his head on Knox's shoulder.

"So I take it you're done ignoring me now?" Charlie asked, his voice light and his chest feeling lighter than it had in months.

"Never again, ever." Knox promised, pressing a kiss to the top of Charlie's head. "I'm sorry though, I just didn't know what to do. I never thought you'd feel the same, I was scared of losing you, so I figured if I did it on my terms it'd hurt less. I was wrong, you deserved better than that." 

"It's okay Knoxy. I was scared too, but we're okay now." Charlie responded his voice soft, and the sleep that he missed these past few months finally began to come to him. "Stay with me?" 

"Of course. Forever. Dead poets honour." Knox replied, pressing another kiss to his temple as he shifted their position so they could lie down. 

"What the hell is that?" Charlie asked, laughing drowsily. 

"My word, Char. I love you."

"Love you too Knoxious."

Charlie fell asleep quickly after that, with his head resting on Knox's chest, feeling the most at peace he ever had. 


End file.
